SlimmigrationEU Passports and Identity Rejuvenation

About

Look. We’re not trying to win any upcoming elections, so, we’re not going to try and sugarcoat it. Things are bad in SA. There’s loadshedding, potholes, riots, more loadshedding and, worse than all of that, you’re awoken by the sound of hadedas haa-ing in the wee hours of the morning. How are we expected to rebuild the country when we can’t get any sleep???

So, if you’ve reached the end of your tether, Slimmigration Passport Services has you covered. With their patented process, you’ll be able to start a new life abroad in no time. Think of how smug you’ll feel resharing some clickbaity, bad news you found about South Africa. Slimmigration doesn’t stop there, their bespoke identity rejuvenation services will help you to forget that “Sarff Efrican” accent of yours and tune into something a little more appropriate, even though you’re emigrating at the age of 37. You’ll be saying ‘Yeah’ instead of ‘Ja’ in no time (Disclaimer: German expats won’t be able to access this feature).

So, what are you waiting for? Choose from one of the ‘readymade’ identities and set sail for brighter shores. Y’know? Cos’... loadshedding.

Options:

• Kaas van Fietsen (NL)
• Judy Dench (UK)
• Hon Honhón (FR)
• Glock Enßchpëël (DE)
• Thorbjorhornjareidurylfi Gjarharhødrzkljarenenbergsson (SWE)

Please Note:

• This is a gag deal in celebration of April Fool's Day.
• Grow up.
• Don’t try to buy it.
• You literally can’t.
• You thought you could buy a foreign passport?
• You must feel so silly.
• Anyway. Check out the other cool stuff.